The People’s Cube – Are you typically lost when co-workers discuss current events around the water cooler? Do you have trouble figuring out the national debt or who that Ben Ghazi dude is, but you know exactly what’s on Britney Spears’ grocery list?
If you think you only deserve fun answers to all life’s questions… you’re right! This primer will help you look smart and morally superior in any political discussion. Just memorize these big words, explained in easy terms you already know from TMZ and The Daily Show:
BIASED: If you have a weird friend who goes to church and her parents are still married, that’s what they are.
ELECTIONS: These are like the Teen Choice Awards: the coolest and most popular wins. Democrats always win because they are cool and popular. Republicans are more like your weird friend’s parents.
DEMOCRATS: They are like Javier Bardem from that movie No Country For Old Men: super friendly, cool hair, quick with a joke, only wants what’s best for you and completely reasonable and rational if you disagree.
REPUBLICANS: They are like Tony Stark from the Iron Man movies: mean, ugly, unpopular, never says anything cool, and is rich because he stole it from the Middle Class.
SE-QUE-STER: This is just a made-up word that Republicans say to make you feel stupid.
IM-MI-GRA-TION: Whew, that’s a long word — just like that velvet rope outside nightclubs. When really fun people arrive, you just open it right up.
QUAN-TI-TA-TIVE EASING: Remember Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can, and how he printed his own checks? Well, that’s what the Treasury secretary, Tim Geithner, does. It’s really cool.
ECONOMIC STIMULUS: It’s like Whitney Houston upping her dosage to get the same high, always needing to use more and more to “chase the dragon.”
DEBT CEILING: This is like Lindsay Lohan’s probation: by law, she should go to jail if she gets arrested, but we all know she won’t.
PUBLIC EDUCATION: Think Memento. Remember how the guy in the movie learned to go through life and fight enemies by relying on snapshots, notes, and tattoos? Public education does that on a national level as a free service.
TRILLION DOLLARS: This is a silly number. If someone says: “The U.S. national debt has topped 16 trillion,” take it easy. Remember how Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced to fifteen life terms while having only one life? Once you owe more than you can pay, numbers stop making sense. Anything above that is free money; spend it fast so you can get more.
TAXES: These are like when a really popular club raises prices and you have to start going to another club that’s not as popular and has homeless people standing outside.
FAIR SHARE: Someone you know has three Louis Vuitton handbags and you only have one, but you can get somebody else to force them to give you one of theirs, and then all is fair.
EN-TI-TLE-MENTS: This is like celebrities getting a $30,000 bag of goodies for showing up to the Oscars, so that the givers get more street cred and respect.
FOREIGN POLICY: Think Lady Gaga’s world tour: it’s totally awesome but can also get weird – like, she’s hot in places like Europe and Japan, but gets booed and canceled in places like Indonesia.
IRAN: Think Robert Downey Jr. – he may be calm at the moment, but if he gets his hands on the wrong stuff, he could trash his neighbor’s house and pass out naked on the lawn.
MUSLIMS: These are like the blue people from the movie Avatar – they live in a magic tree and don’t need human technology or any of our laws like gravitation, because they have a miraculous energy source inside their planet. Humans must respect that, and send them humanitarian aid. But instead, an evil corporation from Earth brings drilling equipment; that’s why all humans get killed.
ISRAEL: This is like the evil corporation from Avatar that landed on the blue people’s planet.
OIL: Think magic energy source on planet Pandora that humans want to steal. Get over it, humans!
OCCUPY WALL STREET: People in this movement are fighting greed by forcing Michael Douglas’ character in Wall Street to give more money to the 99% of people like us. We need to support their stand against corporations by friending them on Facebook™ and re-Tweeting them on Twitter™.
MEDIA: The good media are like paparazzi and E! Entertainment who keep it real by telling us all the truth about interesting people. The bad media are like bullies who make good people look bad. Nobody listens to them except for your friend’s weird parents.
HIGH-CAPACITY MAGAZINES: These do not contain expensive perfume samples that you can rip out while waiting at your hair salon. See GUN CONTROL.
GUN CONTROL: If Naomi Campbell had a gun, she would be shooting at her maids all the time. Without a gun she just beats them with a cell phone and then gives them compensation. Everyone is alive and happy. As long as the government keeps guns away from the citizens, Rihanna and Chris Brown will always be together.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Think Brad Pitt, dashing A-lister who can’t do anything wrong.
FIRST LADY: She is like Kim Kardashian, only with other people’s money.
VICE PRESIDENT: Think Steve Carell, a lovable nincompoop who likes to make others laugh.
WHITE HOUSE: This is like Cribs, a really fancy pad where celebrities hang out and party instead of working.
MIDDLE CLASS: These are like the extras in movies — kind of important but nobody cares who they really are.
CON-STI-TU-TION: It sounds almost like Cosmopolitan, except it’s really old and has no make-up ads or sexy pictures, but it may still be of some value on eBay.
Redneck's Revenge
MIDDLE CLASS: These are like the extras in movies — kind of important but nobody cares who they really are. Jewel lol
I was having a discussion the other day about writing a novel. They say everyone has a novel inside them. I thought about what mine would be about. I like the idea of alternate history or an alternative reality. What if this had happened instead of that? What if Germany had developed the bomb and worked out a way to mass produce it just as they were about to conquor Moscow? What if it had all worked out quite differently and the war ended with a Germania stretching from the Atlantic to the Urals? The Soviets were pushed back into Siberia. I couldn’t credibly write this from a German perspective as I’m an Englishman. Where would Britain’s cards have fallen in this scenario? Maybe Britain capitulated after the atomic bombing of Portsmouth naval area(I was born there) or somewhere else but maybe not London. Germania develops into a massive technological and cultural rival to the United States. France, Britain, Italy, white Russia and the Nordic countries embrace a euro-centric world order and combine their cultural and natural resources to form a United Europe. Fast forward a bit and Germania has developed space stations and a moon base. Onward to Mars, I like science fiction.
But what about the United States, Canada, Australia and New Zealand? Where would they fit in to the story and how different would they be considering this dramatic turn of events? Germania has become the cultural and technological centre of gravity of the world and the United States has to change to counter and rival this development. They would have to develop in a way entirely different to what we see today. It occurs to me that winning the war was the worst outcome for the United States and possibly the entire world. This was a fundamental fork in the road of World history. One way led to a truly epic America and Europe the other OMG, LoL. The list above would never have been written in this alternative reality. That would be the theme of my book.
AA somebody else had the same idea.
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I think Robert Harris’s version concentrates too much on all the cliches of WW2 Germany. Its like an orthodox version of the alternate history. Like what would have happened if the Hollywood version of Nazi Germany had won the war in Europe. Mine would be much more radical and epic and would also focus more on how this history changed America too, actually changed America for the better. The non-alternative version of history shows America in steep decline and plunging into debt. Would Obama, MLK and Rosa Parks be such heroes in an alternative history? Could America afford these heroes while challenging the technologically brilliant and highly cultural Germania? Can America afford these heroes in any version of history?
The Man in the High Castle. Dick. Worth a read.
I though ‘Fatherland’ would be a waste of time but it does have some interesting things to think about. Look forward to your radical version if it ain to long and the NAZI loses in the end and we get all their tech.
I suspect that any culture that comes to unbelievable power and wealth will end up riding the same high ass moral horse we are on. It’s the horror and bloody ass transition nobody wants except the aggressor that does not have great power and wealth. I don’t acknowledge victims. They are like the extras in movies — kind of important but nobody cares who they really are.
Apparently the book “Fatherland” is much better than the ‘made for TV’ film. I think no movie and probably no book yet has ‘captured’ quite how it was being a Nazi zealot. This is because it would come across as being pro-Nazi…..and that’s not allowed. So they always have to be presented as a bit creepy and the Holocaust casts its shadow everywhere. Yet the vast majority of fanatics weren’t even aware of it at the time. It was more the feeling of an epic struggle of Teutonic Knights against a monstrous Judaic-Bolshevism that was trying to enslave the world. Far from being the military juggernaut that most people imagine (Germany had a smaller army than France) the Nazi armies were often heavily outnumbered yet prevailed through sheer courage and audacity. The mighty Allied bomber streams had to resort to night time raids so they could avoid actually fighting and the Russians had to resort to incredible cruelty against their own people in order to prevail. It was like 300 again and again. An Iron Cross or a wooden cross.
“They were remarkable soldiers -- such we will never see again” - Michael Reynolds, British Major General and Historian.
Great theme for a movie that. I think any Allied soldier that was captured by them would attest to this too.
The British Lancasters bombed at night and the 8th Air Force ran daylight raids. It was around the clock. There was a lot of fighting, and dying, 10 men in every B-17.
A lot of courage on both sides. It wasn’t exclusive to Germany.
Pro NAZI dismissal of the exceptional bravery of the daylight bombing? I’d rather risk being shot or blown up than to crash and burn.
Real leaders of caliber emulate Alexander. The rest get half assed stationary fux suited only for unreliable alliances. Depends on how you spin it?
Reminded me of Napoleon.
Had a flash that the real bravery is on the part of the preemptive defender being forced to rise to an occasion he does not want and fears. Takes some time to going and he needs some temporary buds that see their own ass on the line and they will all want a piece of the victorious outcome. Compare Hitler to common law and Western psychology. He was an insane sociopath idealog and the end proves if Germany could not give him what he wanted let them all die with him. He was unique. So was Jim Jones. But then again I wish MacArthur had nuked the Chinese for what they did. That would make an interesting alternate history.
I realize I edge out over the abyss in my thoughts. I’m just trying to get a better view of the present. Often such discussions are futile because we are basing our arguments on a series of cliches. Humans basically operate by relying on a series of cliches to get through their everyday lives. But who forms these cliches or memes? Are they the result of some evolutionary process?
I think I have become aware of several key points in my journey. One of them is that when creating a film for mass consumption a certain rule has to be followed. We see common plot devices that use Negroes, Jews, gays, women, minorities in a way that must be uplifting. There appears to be some sort of plan to engineer society’s accepted cliches in regard to these groups. All sorts of story-lines, stretching credibility way beyond its limits and resorting to the downright fantastic in this regard in order to encourage and uplift. Why this should be the purpose of art I’m hesitant to take a guess. Also story-lines that seek to overthrow what was once accepted as decent, normal behaviour and now encourages the opposite is the new normal. Story-lines that promote alternative ways of living, even story-lines that show extreme groups, such as Islamic terrorists, in a good light, are perfectly acceptable.
It all boils down to one rule really: Everything is allowed and encouraged that attacks what white male civilization once held dear. For this you will win Oscars. This is Hollywood’s fundamental number one rule. But it is not just a rule that allows, it is also a rule that prohibits. Nothing is allowed that shows white males in a good light. Now you may be able to show examples where it does allow this but generally these guys are depicted as “everymen” and colourless.
In my mind-wanderings I imagined it could be possible to produce a great story that depicted Crusaders, or Nazis even, in a heroic way. But I realized that it is absolutely forbidden. Depicting them as rampaging zombies being cut down by teenage lesbians would, however, be perfectly acceptable.
You know its no wonder that white male youth of today are such hopeless losers. They go to the movies and watch themselves being slaughtered and abused and their women doing it with anyone but them. Sometimes I think, you know, certain people, 70 or 80 years ago, had a much grander vision of their future. It was like they were prescient or something and fought like maniacal demons to stop it from happening -- couldn’t make a movie depicting that though, could you?
Nevertheless here we are now and we need to have a strategy for the future. Contrary to popular art the world is not going to be saved by black, teenage, lesbians and gay Moslems. Western civilization is is going to need straight, upright, white males with high standards when the crunch comes.
Just first thoughts out loud.
? Only so many basic plots and we all have seen and read thousands of books and movies and read some history..
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Social propaganda? I question the influence the media, movies and music has on us. Some sort of gratuitous capitalist social priesthood that leads us like sheep and we pay for our own moral slaughter.
And we attack everything that ethnic sub cultures hold dear because what they hold dear is basically their own selfish interests at everyone eases expense.. Socialism is clinical and promises to support any and everyone without question and Socialism demands likewise unquestionable support. Sounds reasonable to a moron.
I think the forefathers understood this shit and the Electoral college was their best possible protection for us not knowing public service would become an amoral business venture with great retirement. Interesting that white racist materialists afraid of religious laws and the Pope would have a better handle on God’s freedoms than any organized religion or political ideology even to date.. Anything else is forced subservience and respecter of persons.
Not sure about Hollywood. They put out shit for every interest and perspective. maybe your noting what they award? I thought they were tearing down the male ego when it comes to kids and teen movies but the macho man is there for us guys. Lotta women portrayed as victim, stupid, and sycophants or slave to their man in a profession dominated by arrogant feminists.
We’re already starting to see the end of OPM in relation to ObamaCare, as the feds quietly have closed the doors on servicing the prior-condition crowd. And no, they didn’t service everyone and now some will not even be able to avail themselves of that former bottomless pit of money has already started to dry up. And this before the ulta-painful portion kicks during 2014. You remember that leftist mantra, that there’d be no pre-existing conditions once ObamaCare got going? This is analogous to not buying car insurance until you have your first major crack-up. My nephew wraps his vintage Firebird around a telephone pole, THEN he buys car insurance. Makes sense, don’t it? But that’s exactly the principle behind ObamaCare’s reasoning. Why? Because ObamaCare’s real mission is to put traditional insurance companies out of business. Then the only alternative is the state, and you will have no place to go but to them. If it sounds apocalyptic, it should. Destroying the healthcare industry will make the destruction of the housing market look like a dustup in comparison.
Throw any Republican stupid enough to go along with this disaster under the bus now and save yourself the trouble later. We don’t need morons to rubber-stamp this shit and pretend to be the opposition. We need people to the right of Rand Paul right now, not goofballs like Kasich. If you choose to hang with the dicator and his cronies we can arrange that, too.